I have this friend that i have been friends with now for a little over a year. Since i first met her i have had a crush on her, and she is very well aware of it. When she was single, she tried to be with me, but things just didnt work out very well. So when i found out that she was not single anymore i tried to gain her back, which caused alot of problems, her boyfriend completely hates me. But we still used to be flirty friends without him knowing. She broke up with him recently, and we became " friends with benefits". I am completely comfortable with the whole idea. But i have noticed that for some strange reason, when i talk to her on the phone or on the computer, that i am way less shy then i am when we are face to face. She asks me multiple time to kiss her, but i get kinda shy when she asks. But we are affectionate in other ways. I would let her kiss my neck, play with my hair, let her kiss me, and i would rest my head on her shoulder. I'm trying my hardest to kinda put my guard down around her, since i know she means no harm to me, but it's just not working at all and i need help ASAP sho i don't mess things up between us

Um. I'm no use with this stuff really, but it seems to me that even though you say you're comfortable with the idea you're not really comfortable with the actual reality of it? I dunno. Have you explained how you feel to her? Maybe talking it through with her would help.
Eh. Hope it works out

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Yes tamsin, i have actually talked it through with her, and she says that if i don't feel comfortable kissing her just yet, then it's fine with her

This doesn't sound like friends with benefits to me. It sounds like you like her a lot more than she likes you and she's just stringing you along because you're prepared to accept being 'friends with benefits' in lieu of anything more serious.

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a silver tongue for the chosen one
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kirstie, i understand completely what you are saying, but she recently got out of a long relationship with someone else, and she does not want anything to serious, for the time being.

Hi Mimi
Sorry if I'm offensive but i wish i had a "friend with benefits" like you. lol

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how is that offensive in any way?

Everything just came naturally! If you just can't love her that way, e.g kissing her or something like that, love the other way, dear!

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And what exactly is the other way, if i may ask you?

What you feel like to do. Resting your head on her shoulder like you said. If you think you have to kiss her to show your love, your body will hesitate, it's not used to it. There are several ways other than physical touch to show your love to others. If your "friend with benefits" love you truly, she will understand it. You're making it too serious.

I heard a saying that "If something is not happening for you it means you're not ready for it". You just have to wait for the time and emotions to come.

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@ bluesea, so your telling me that if she really wanted me then she should have no problem with waiting until i feel comfortable to kiss her?

Of course!

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ok, just making sure that we are on the same page. Well i recently spoke to her and she seems pretty upset about me not making any moves on her, i told her that this is my first relationship in my entire 18 years of living, and her response to it was that i should just go with the flow and let things happen naturally, i told her that i understood what she was saying, and that i have always wanted to try and please her, but i'm just way to shy. And now she's all i don't care and i give up.... so now i'm trying to think of a way to keep her since i know that she does not really mean it

Is a year long enough to develop what is called 'love'? You deserve to be waited after all you have done. Don't pull yourself into sadness!

I think if you really want to cross the border because you and her are comfortable with that and you want to risk yourself for romance, just try! But if you have to please someone else, don't!

Hanging out more and develop the relationships in different aspects other than physical.
Do you think you understand her after a year of relationship? Are you two easy to share your feelings and listen to each other often?

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What do you actually mean by 'friends with benefits' because I think what I'd define it as and what you're defining it as are two different things.

Regardless of that you need to either let your inhibitions about being touchy-feely around her go or accept that you aren't currently looking for the same things in a relationship as she is. It's all well and good to say things like if she cared about you she'd wait, but to be honest, if I was seeing someone who wasn't at all comfortable being physical with me then I'd be getting very frustrated and find myself on the verge of giving up trying too. Since she's been in relationship(s) before you have to understand that she's more used to the physical aspects and has probably come to see that as an element that defines a relationship.

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This response is for bluesea. I do agree with you saying that a year is not enough time especially since, within that year she was with someone else, and not really spending to much bonding time with me, unless he was not around. So i am hoping that things will just get better and we will work things out as a team

I completely understand what you are saying kirstie, but what can i do to prevent loosing her as a friend with benefits and as a friend at the same time? And to me a friend with benefits is a person who wants to share how much they care about you and to just have flirty fun with no string attached. How would you define it?

Oh okay, I'd assume friends with benefits would normally mean you were sleeping with the person. See, the thing I don't understand is why you're so set on having her as a friend with benefits when you don't seem confident about the benefits. I think if you're having 'no strings attached' fun with one of your friends that's great, but it doesn't really sound that much like no strings attached for you - it sounds like you're after more of a relationship than she is and it sounds like she's after more from the physical perspective than you are. Friends with benefits only really works if you're both after the same thing at the same time, and neither of you are are placing more emotional significance on the benefits than the other.

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a silver tongue for the chosen one
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well kirstie, it's supposed to be a friend with benefits kinda thing, but for me since i have had a crush on her for a while, i guess you could actually say i am looking to have a normal relationship with her, but it's also fine if we just remain friends with benefits as well